My Lady

First time?
From a distance
Picking each step
Not wanting to hit a stone
Figured so shapely
Kim Kardashian's clone
And that was it
When I picture her now?
Definitely not on "white and white"
But on clothes so tight
They accentuate her edges
With some killer shoes to go with,
Stilettos and wedges.


So beautiful,
She could make ice thaw
Yes, a dame to kill for.
Bereft of negativity
She laughs with her friends
This side of her
I came to know
Since then, for us
it's been raining snow.
She now shares in my tears
Helping me find my way
And allay my fears.


Crazy texter she is
Yet soft over the phone
Oh! Her voicenotes
Like ice cream in a cone
Her "pidgin" sounds forced
"Ajebo", I tease
Deep down she's all but that.
She can talk for Africa
Amebo like that.
Thanks to NYSC, Eunice and Red cross
Our paths may never have crossed.
Using this ink as a medium
A platform, a podium
To let you know
You deserve all the good
That life's got to show.


Dedicated to Temiloluwa Olasehinde


By Alle Odhiameh Ayodele

Dirge for my Earphones

 

You were my passport to solitude
Created a place of fortitude
Where I could smile, feel pain
A place where people not there
Made me sane.

 

In ur obvious absence, I brood
Remembering how with u
I needed no food.
Holding faintly to the hope of ur return
Like the uncertainty of a lunar eclipse
When the clouds turn.

 

This I pray, this I say:
Whoever finds u
Should fathom ur value
Extol ur virtues
Know ur worth
And like a little child
By u be taught.
Keeping u safer than I ever did.
Cos for u I'll forever feel a need.

 

 

By Alle Odhiameh Ayodele

COMMUNICATION I

Simply put, communication is a means of exchanging information between people. Be it in your relationship, within your family, at your place of work or among business acquaintances, and sometimes even within yourself, you basically live and breathe by communicating. One way or the other you communicate with people every day. But communication is not just about talking (verbal) and listening, it goes beyond that, it also involves other non-verbal language like hand gestures and general body language. The biggest challenge in communicating is to make sure that the message received is also the message intended. Therefore the essence of good communication skills cannot be over emphasized.

Sometimes while trying to pass a message across we say one thing but our body language says another and unfortunately people tend to focus on the body language than the verbal so it’s important that our body language is in tune with what we are trying to say so as to give a perfect picture of the message because real communication is the message received not the message intended.

To master the art of communication, information needs to be exchanged correctly and this simply involves speaking and listening. Let’s highlight some of the key points below;

SPEAKING

·         Positive speaking

·         Skilled communicator

·         Give good information

·         Cooperative communication

·         Body language

LISTENING

·         Ask questions

·         Active listening

·         Effective listening

·         Don’t assume

·         Align speaker’s body language with message

SPEAKING

Positive speaking is a basic rule if you want to live a positive life, or you need favours, it can also come in handy if you’re attending an interview. Basically the following qualities should be a part of you.

Be cheerful and greet people politely.

Smile while you are at it, everyone loves a smile and it’s free. People who smile are happier than those who don’t. Smiling releases a chemical in your brain that makes you feel good. It’s a great way to establish rapport with your listeners.

Try to call people by their first name, always sounds nice when someone calls your name.

Be friendly and helpful, to make a friend you have to be a friend.

Be cordial and do things with genuine pleasure.

Be generous with praise and cautious with criticism.

Be genuinely interested in people, you can like almost anybody if you try.

Be considerate with the feelings of others.

Be available to give service, what counts most in life is what we do for others.

If you can add a good sense of humour, a big dose of patience, and some humility then you are on your way.

Skilled communicator – The way you communicate with others and with yourself ultimately determines the quality of your life. It takes a skilled communicator to pass a message across perfectly and also receive the message that’s been passed across. A skilled communicator has sound communication skills in areas like; listening, speaking and writing, reading, observing, assertiveness, reproducing effectively and aligning non-verbal signs with the message passed across.

Giving good information – This simply involves being clear, concise, correct, courteous, and concrete. In order to give good information, the message should not be ambiguous, endeavour to be as clear as possible and make sure you keep the message not only correct but also short and simple. Sometimes when you talk too much, the message is lost. The first ingredient in a conversation is truth, if the conversation lacks truth then you are starting on the wrong note and that communication has a shaky foundation. When you have nothing to say, be silent, whatever you say should be better than silence.

Cooperative communication tries not to sound pushy, instead of ordering people around make a request. Avoid saying “you will have to go there tomorrow” instead say “could you or would you be able to go there tomorrow”. Focus on solutions not problems, replace “you failed again” with “how do we ensure you don’t fail again”. Turn “can’t”s into “can”s. Simply put, be positive.

Body language is a means of non-verbal communication which is a process of sending and receiving wordless messages. It can be expressed consciously or unconsciously in the presence of the receiver who also interprets it consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes it is not what you say that matters but how you say it; action they say speaks louder than words. All of our non-verbal behaviours send strong messages; the gestures we make, the way we sit, how fast or how loud we talk, how close we stand, how much eye contact we make.

The ability to understand and use non-verbal communication is a powerful tool that will help you; connect with others, express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, build better relationships at home and work. The non-verbal signals you send can produce a sense of interest, trust and desire for connection or they generate disinterest, distrust and confusion. It all boils down to your body language. When the verbal and non-verbal language disagrees, it’s just natural people will believe the non-verbal.

Body language combined with vocal tone can override or even cancel the meaning of the words we say. Once again make sure your mouth and your body are sending the same signal. Individual gestures can indicate more than one thing (crossed arms can indicate anger, being cold or insecurity).

Body language tips

Eye contact helps you carry your message to each person in the audience. It builds trust.

Hand gestures. Learn to speak with your hands. Draw lines in the air, make a point, count on your fingers, and emphasize length and width.

Work on appearing sincere and comfortable.

Let your hands do what they want to do, as long as they don’t get in your pockets, fiddle with an object, or make obscene gestures to your audience.

Your body posture affects your emotions and how you feel determines your posture. If you are confident, happy and ready, your body will show it.

...to be continued

LESSONS

Bread seller, Photobomb, Top model, yea right! I’m also talking about her. She was virtually the biggest positive story from February and till now you still hear people talk about how lucky and blessed she is, just because she was in the right place at the right time or maybe it was just meant to be. Call it fate or whatever you like but there are lots of lessons from Olajumoke’s story, some of which I will like to share.

Her moment came in the midst of a photo shoot where some people were telling her to walk past quickly and others told her to stay, she was just in limbo and TY bello asked if she could take her picture, she nodded and that nod changed her life at that moment, she probably didn’t know it then but the trailer of fame jammed her at that point big time. Irrespective of what madam Kemi Olunloyo and oga Reuben Abati might say (haters always gon’ hate), she’s famous and she’s living the Nigerian dream, if there is anything like that; maybe there is.

  

Asides the slippers she had on, its really hard to say she was just a bread seller, its not everyday you see a bread seller in Lagos neatly dressed and hawking. Lets assume she was looking dirty and unkempt maybe just maybe instead of being called a model on the internet she would have gotten the bashing of her life, I guess we will never know. Morale of the story; its always good to appear neat irrespective of your job because you never know. I see a lot of ‘mechanics’ in public buses looking so dirty and annoying, they make it very difficult for people to sit close enough to them without feeling irritated. Just because you do a dirty job doesn’t mean you should always be dirty. Learn from Jumoke!

Jumoke’s picture made it to the internet and everyone embraced her, TY bello nurtured and helped her and here we are. The truth is sometimes we all need that special someone to give our life a nitro boost. It can be the difference between being great and being okay.

Education is good and Talent is wonderful but it looks like its not enough in this country anymore, you need a whole lot of factors to come together for you to get to the top. If you compare what Olajumoke has gotten as a model to what the unilag student with a 5.0 CGPA has also gotten, then you will understand where education stands in our society today. She's now a celebrity everybody wants to attach to.

Never say never, nothing is impossible, just keep believing. Right where you are going about your daily activities, no matter how little, something really big might be coming your way. You never know.

If TY bello was like some of us she would have chased Jumoke out of the photoshoot. I mean why should a bread seller appear in Tinie Tempah’s ‘Disturbing Lagos’ photoshoot (whose slippers is looking like okun ifami tho) but TY bello being who she is, took the shot and well here we are. Another lesson is even after internet users said Jumoke looks like a model, she could have ignored and went about with her life and everything will eventually die down but no! she took that opportunity and looked for the ‘igbalode model’, nurtured that goal and has been helping her become a candidate for celebrity of the year and so far so good Jumoke is making money, she just moved into a well furnished apartment in Surulere courtesy sujimoto and I think all the financial aspect has been going smoothly while TY bello is already a candidate for person of the year. Yes I know we are still in April.

Lessons; it’s not always about what you can get from people, sometimes giving is greater than receiving. The true reward lies in giving to those that have no means of paying you back.

MIND YOUR MIND

Have you ever wondered what will happen if we take half the energy we put into complaining about the problems and whining about why things remain the same and devout this energy into solving the problems, maybe things will be better even if it’s not a 100%. I have seen people criticize the government of the day at every opportunity they get, in every way they can and when they are offered a seat in the corridors of power. Things actually get worse, they start looking like a masquerade because I can’t recognize the person anymore and they continue creating the same problems they once criticized.

I think one of the problems we have most times is we go in unprepared, well maybe that’s how life is, we came into this world unprepared without a manual on how to live right. No one asks for your opinion before you were born, you never get the chance to choose your family, your religion, your country or even your race. Everything just kindof chooses you and while some of us embrace family or tradition to teach us how to live right, some choose religion, for some people its philosophy and some people just embrace it all. But one thing is certain, at some point you have to decide for yourself which way you want to go and this decision is solely based on the content of your mind. What you fill your mind with from day one determines this eventual outcome.

It is very very good to be able to pick out the problems or faults in a system, it shows you are very observant but the truth is if you can sit all day and just talk about the problems and you can’t find just one solution that can work to that problem, then you are on a dangerous path and you are not minding your mind. Its never enough to pay attention to one half of the problem, the job is only done when you find the ability to solve these problems. Train your mind to look beyond the problems and find solutons. You never can tell, one day you might be in a position to solve these problems you always complained about, and if you go in unprepared you will create more problems than you complained about.

So Do you mind your mind? What are you feeding your mind with? Who do you allow access to your mind? Whether you like it or not the people you allow access into your life, the people you surround yourself with and listen to regularly determine the contents of your mind. You should always be conscious of what you are feeding your mind, because this subconsciously influence who you become. If your mind is going to be filled with negativity or positivity is entirely up to what and who you choose to surround yourself with. Mind your mind.

Minding your mind is like focusing on your priorities, chasing your dreams or keeping your eyes on the goal no matter what. Sometimes you need to ask yourself some bitter questions about where your priorities lie. Because if you don’t know what your priorities are, if you don’t place your priorities in the right places. You might end up spending all the days of your life building other peoples dreams for them. Dreams are somehow linked to priorities because if you keep chasing your dreams you would know where your priorities should lie. Its like minding your mind.

It can be quite amazing sometimes when you see the amount of energy some of us devout into things that adds no value to our life and then we forget our priorities in life and start losing focus. Some people don’t even know what their priorities are, maybe they have never asked themselves questions pertaining to it. Do you have dreams or goals? If yes Can you write them out? If yes then what do you think your priorities should be? What have you done today to move you a step closer to your dreams? These are questions you alone can answer and it gives you an idea into what you should be doing more and what you should stop doing.

So know your priorities, make them your goals, work towards achieving them because if you don’t you will end up taking care of other people’s priorities. Remember to always mind your mind until next time I live you with the words of Mahatma Gandhi ‘A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.’

Thanks for reading, please endeavour to share this post if you find it helpful and if not feel free to comment.

Harbinger Of Joy

A blissful heart
A joyful soul
Burning with optimism
A fire with no smoke
Exuding true beauty
Not superficial, but internal
The kind that melts mighty men
Makes you smile, instagram memes.
Anything she touches
Turns into gold
Her heart, her soul
Could never be sold.
She only comes alive
When through her eyes
She gives joy to a life.
Unperturbed by negative vibes
Lies and betrayals
Not because she is immune
Her smile a portrayal
That worry helps no one
Even life could end soon
So be happy, have fun.
Embodied with unfathomable innocence
You can not help but do good
At the mere sight of her
You care less about food
You feel an enthralling intensity
The kind in a magnetic field
Once felt, becomes a basic necessity.
Amidst all the confusion,
From her you get serenity
Through osmosis, maybe diffusion
Around her, so much positivity
You could pluck it
An apple defying gravity
In the end you reason
"A joyful heart, indeed, is good medicine"
To you and those in the scene.

Dedicated to Lalemi Oluwatosin Mary

By Ayodele Alle

MIRAGE

Was it love?
No, it was all a mirage
My feelings speedily washed away
Like vehicles in an entourage
My eyes cried not
Because all along we knew
That our love, misconstrued
An infatuation so crude
Was built on the decency of merciful lies.
We were just too perfect
In our eyes we perceived light
In our flaws we took delight
The late night hugs, the morning kisses,
All gone, now at a loss
To this I was unaccustomed
A situation so unreal.
Reminiscing now, sad
Pen in hand
I accept the blessed relief
That comes with the absence of deceit
I miss though, the mental violation
When at the sight of you
My heart skips a beat.

Sent in by Alle Odhiameh Ayodele

OPPORTUNITIES

I hope it’s not too late to wish you a Happy New Year! Well January felt like a year on its own, just ask salary earners. So Happy New Year! I know people have resolutions or big plans for the New Year. So what are your plans? What steps are you taking to actualize those plans? How feasible are your plans? These are questions you might have asked yourself by now. If you have; good! If you have the answers; better! And if you haven’t; well you can start.

Today i want to talk about something we all want, something we all hope for, and something I think we all need to get by. You must have heard people say “opportunity comes once in a lifetime, if you don't take it now you might never get another one.” IT’S A LIE! There are opportunities around us every day they just come disguised and then we miss them because we can't see what they really are. Sometimes they come disguised as hard work, a punishment, something boring or things beneath you or sometimes as things that interest you or even your hobbies.

But they are always there, every new day you wake up, every breath you take, there are countless opportunities around you YES! Even in Nigeria. It’s left for you to see what's around you as an opportunity and make the best of it. So opportunities will not always come smiling at you like a pretty girl and say Hi! I’m opportunity. Grab me! -Okay girls don’t really do that but you get the picture- An opportunity will not always present itself to you; you have to be able to see the opportunity around you and grab it.

There is a popular saying that while you are complaining about the traffic jam the guy selling gala and lacasera sees an opportunity to make money. We've even heard rumours in Lagos that some of these guys supposedly dig portholes on the road so cars can slow down or cause traffic around them. It's a rumour o! Don't quote me. Now I'm not saying you should do something illegal to create opportunities. But all I'm saying is just because everybody complains about it or they don't see the opportunity in it doesn't mean the opportunity is not there. It’s left for you to see the opportunities in the everyday situation around you and take advantage.

Still on the gala case for example, do you think gala will sell that much if it was just sold in shops rather than in traffic? No! And now we have at least four other types of sausage roll trying to compete with gala. They are obviously making money. There was actually a time they don’t sell gala in traffic. Someone saw the opportunity and now the rest is history.

At about 13 years old Bill Gates' school had a machine you could call a computer and he took a special interest in programming. In fact he spent most of his time on the system that he got excused from maths class. He wrote his first computer program on this system, a tic-tac-toe game. He wasn't the only kid in the school or the only one that had access to the machine but he had a special interest and he saw something other kids didn’t see. Simply put he was fascinated by the machine. He saw an opportunity and he grabbed it.

There is this story about how Bill Gates and 3 other friends were banned from a ‘computer center’ for the summer because they exploited bugs in the operating system to get free computer time. -Trust me I can relate, I went to a café with my friend and the attendant didn't even allow us enter because my friend once hacked their timer- After their ban, Gates and his friends came back to offer their services by helping the center find bugs in their software in exchange for computer time and Gates spent his time studying source codes for various programs. Trust me this guy is smart and he didn't magically become a billionaire. He had it coming. He knew how to take his opportunities. Today you know who Mr. Bill Gates is but he was not born a billionaire.

So start doing something, dream big; its allowed and recognize the opportunities around you. Until next time I leave you with the words of Henry Miller “The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.”